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Mar
20
2014

March Madness: Battle of the Fanboys Edition

It’s just about that time of year for everyone to fill out their brackets and choose the teams they think are going to make a push toward this year’s NCAA Basketball National Title. To celebrate, we’re going to create an Elite 8 bracket of the top PC gaming fanboys (and fangirls) out there—complete with accurate seeding!

The Candy Crusher (8 Seed)

Casual gamers unite! This is your underdog of the tournament. These are the gamers who live and die by casual, non-competitive games. Think games like Candy Crush Saga, Farmville (we all remember this one, right?), and Draw Something— basically, anything that can be played through Facebook. The only thing you have to worry about with this type of gamer is a flood of messages asking for more lives.

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Sim Superstar (7 Seed)

Just a (very small) notch above the Candy Crusher comes the Sim Superstar. Everyone knows this gamer; they are all about anything and everything realted to The Sims. The Sim Superstar owns ever iteration of the Sims, as well as every expansion pack that has ever been released for each game. While the virtual recreation of the Sim Superstar may be a professional athlete, these fanboys don’t stand much chance of advancing in this tourney—preparing for the next installment of The Sims is priority numero uno!

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Storyteller Dweller (6 Seed)

The most important element of gaming is the story—at least it is in the eyes of the Storyteller Dweller. These gamers play for one reason and one reason alone: they want to experience a compelling story. This category can be subdivided into gamers who just want to click their way through an interactive movie with little to no challenge, and those who are deeply involved with the storytelling of high-profile role-playing games (think games like Final Fantasy or Gears of War).

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The Virtual Athlete (5 Seed)

While these gamers may have seen their physical athletic performance peak in high school, on the virtual turf, they are unmatched. The Virtual Athlete dominates the field in games like Madden, NBA 2k, FIFA, and any other game that allows them to experience their championship dreams through their monitors. While The Virtual Athlete is a tough competitor, they lack the intensity and dedication of the top four seeds.

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The Minecrafter (4 Seed)

A unique type of gamer, the Minecrafter is all about creativity and exploration. Games like Minecraft (duh!), Terraria, and Starbound allow the Minecrafter to create and live in their very own virtual worlds. The Minecrafter will spend countless hours collecting resources and perfecting their virtual creations. While not hardcore gamers by the classical definition, the Minecrafter shows a passion that is unmatched by their competitors.

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GI Bro (3 Seed)

Everyone knows a GI Bro. Every year, they are in line for the midnight release of the latest edition of Call of Duty. They don’t often step outside of their gritty, military first-person shooter comfort zone, but when they do, expect them to do so with lots of trash-talk. Don’t let their excessive use of foul language and slang fool you—GI Bros are highly skilled at their craft, and can make quick work of ill-prepared n00bs.

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General Patton (2 Seed)

General Patton gamers rank above the GI Bros, because these gamers would be the ones commanding them on the battlefield. The tactical planning in real-time and turn-based strategy games enamors gamers that fall into this category. These fanboys and fangirls are big time number crunchers, and know exactly the perfect time to strike their foes. With games like StarCraft, Company of Heroes, and the Total War series under their belts, there’s never a battle that General Pattons aren’t adequately prepared for.

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MMORPG Lifer (1 Seed)

Easily the favorite in this tournament is the MMORPG Lifer. This is that guy or gal that doesn’t know what life is like outside of Azeroth. The only thing on this fanboy’s mind is tackling their next raid and scoring some epic loot. The dedication the MMORPG Lifer puts toward their craft is admirable, unmatched, and just a bit disturbing. One thing I’ve learned about the MMORPG Lifer: you do not want to stand between them and a legendary weapon… It just won’t end very well for you.

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